


The Great Gatsby’s

by lbforev



Category: Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby (2013)
Genre: Blood and Violence, Daisy mentioned, Gay Nick Carraway, Gay Pride, Gay Rights, Homophobia, Light BDSM, M/M, Major Original Character(s), Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Minor Violence, Non-Graphic Violence, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Period-Typical Homophobia, Tom mentioned, Wolfsheim mentioned, bisexual jay gatsby, gay sex (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-02-23 10:16:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23576611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lbforev/pseuds/lbforev
Summary: A continuation of The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald with a rewritten Chapter 9 but the book didn't end there either.I apologize for any inaccuracies about the 1920s eraNick x Gatsby Fanfiction
Relationships: Nick Carraway/Jay Gatsby
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

I couldn't leave Jay, I didn't know why I just couldn't. I should have been able to go to work but I couldn't leave. I walked up to one of his luxurious bathrooms and splashed some water from the gold-lined sink onto my face. I knew I was a homosexual, I had embraced it a while ago but I had never fallen for my best friend. I couldn't fall for Jay, he was in love with my cousin. Despite everything, she had done to him and he still loved her. Here I was though, still waiting for him, I didn't know what I was waiting for but I had to support him. I put both my hands on the shiny granite counter and leaned against it trying to control my breathing. I kept telling myself I couldn't fall for Gatsby, it wasn't allowed and he would never love me. I was still panting when I heard a gunshot. I was running and running towards the pool where Gatsby had told me where he would be when I heard the second gunshot. As I pushed the door open I saw Gatsby in the pool. The water was already red.  
"Someone help!" I cried out before jumping into the pool. I didn't think twice before diving to save Gatsby. I grabbed his body and dragged it out of the water.   
"Please, Jay, stay with me! Please, Jay! I need you! More than you know..." Jay lay limp in my arms when a butler ran out, saw the commotion, and ran back in to call an ambulance. For minutes more, which felt like hours, he was still, his eyes didn't move. I tried to stop the bleeding but more blood kept coming and I could barely see because of the tears in my eyes. The ambulance drove Gatsby far away from me while the paparazzi surrounded me. Thousands of questions were asked and cameras were swarming me but I didn't say one word. I sat there still in my clothes which were still incredibly wet from when I had jumped into the pool but could only think about Jay and if he was okay. I took his fancy bright yellow car and knew I had to see him. I had to see Jay and regardless of his state, I had to tell how I feel because I was realizing I may never have the chance again. On the drive to the hospital, I felt like I was going to throw up not knowing what was happening. Luckily my clothes had dried on the ride over.   
I burst through the doors of the hospital, "I need to see him!" I shouted to nobody in particular.  
"Please sir," the lady at the front desk started, "who?"  
"Gatsby!" I yelled, "Jay Gatsby! I need to see him."   
The lady must've taken 20 years to find his room before replying, "he is room 212."   
"What's his condition?" I asked I needed to know before I saw him.  
"He's stable now," she said I asked a doctor where room 212 was so I could quickly find Gatsby.   
I took a deep breath and slowly entered the hospital room that felt forbidden. I saw Jay all bandaged up and tears pricked my eyes. They started coming down my face when I realized Gatsby wasn't awake.   
"Oh Jay, please be alright," I cried placing a hand on his perfect face that was thankfully unharmed, "this is all my fault I shouldn't have left you. I should've stayed with you by the poolside and you could've been alright right now."   
I rubbed his still face with my thumb. I didn't think this would do anything but I definitely noticed how smooth and soft his skin was. I didn't understand how everything about Gatsby was so perfect. I knew that's how he built himself to be perfect but I don't understand how he succeeded so well. Sure I knew he had flaws and he wasn't the most ethical person I had ever met but still, he was picture perfect.   
"It's...not your fault...old sport," I heard Gatsby murmur.   
I was about to pull my hand away from his face but when I did Jay took his hand placed it on top of mine and put it back on his face.   
"Jay, I have to tell you something."   
"What happened?" he asked stopping me from my confession.  
"You don't remember?" I was confused.  
"No, what happened? Why am I here?"  
"You were shot. I found you in the pool," I started crying harder, "I thought you were gone."  
"I'm fine, old sport. I can't believe you did that for me."   
I didn't know how he could say that in a hospital bed, with his whole torso bandaged and his eyes barely open.  
"You didn't deserve death, you're a young man with lots of life to live still."   
"You wanted to tell me something Old Sport," he said, switching the topic of conversation.  
"Jay, I'm a homosexual."   
"You are?" He questioned.   
"Yes Jay, I am. And I have umm feelings..." I trailed off before finishing the sentence.   
Jay stayed silent, his eyes looking into my like he was trying to read my soul.  
"I have feelings," I started again, "for you."   
Jay once again stayed silent.   
"I'm sorry, I know I'm a fool, I know you could never love a man! I'll just leave, I'll send someone else more appropriate back for you," I stood up from his bed that I had sat on next to him and started to leave.   
I didn't know who I was going to send back, Gatsby didn't have many true friends. I could send Jordan but I doubt she would want to talk to me. I thought about Wolfsheim but I'm sure he would be reluctant to come to such a public place such as a hospital.   
"Nick," I heard Gatsby say meekly from his hospital bed. I stopped moving.   
This was the first time he had ever said my name.   
"You called me Nick," I said, not turning back around to face Gatsby, "not Old Sport."   
"Nick, stay with me."  
"Why? I'm just a no-good homosexual," I spit out barely turning around.  
"Nick I want you to stay here with me, " every time he said my name like he knew the power it had over me.  
I turn around, "You're not afraid? You're not disgusted?"   
"Of course not. And I'm afraid that..." Gatsby seemed fully aware. His eyes were wide open and I started walking towards him again.   
"You're afraid of what?" I ask him.  
"I... umm come here Nick," when he said my name I couldn't refuse him.   
I walked towards him and stood at the very edge of his bed.   
"Sit down, Nick."   
My name, he had to say my name so perfectly like nobody else ever could. His voice was just like his smile, it was one you would rarely hear in your lifetime and could never be replaced. I had to follow his command, his voice was absolutely hypnotizing.   
"Nick," Gatsby said softly.  
"Yes?" I asked.  
"Lean down," he requested.   
My eyes were wide. I know what I wanted to do but I didn't know what he wanted to do.  
"Jay, do you know what I'm going to do?"  
"Yes, I have a feeling I do Nick, but do you know what I would do if you did it?"  
"No, Jay and that's why I'm so scared."   
"Nick, kiss me."  
If my eyes could get any wider they definitely did. Yes I wanted to kiss Gatsby, yes I wanted him to demand me to kiss him but I was still terrified.  
"Nick, I'm not happy that you haven't fulfilled my requests."  
I leaned slightly and let out a loose breath across his lips, "are you sure about this?" I asked.   
His arms wrapped around me, he pulled me down, and he kissed me.   
"I don't like when you tease me, Nick."  
I hated that he stopped but I realized how wrong this all was.   
"Jay, I can't do this. I needed to tell you how I felt but I can't do this. You are still trying to get over her and here I am taking advantage of your vulnerability."   
"Nick, I don't believe you have ever done a wrong thing in your life."   
"I'm far from a perfect man."   
"Then kiss me again," he demanded and I put my hands into his hair and played with it as I followed his command which I knew I would always do. I stopped when Jay started flinching in pain.  
"I'm sorry, I forgot you were injured, I didn't mean to put so much weight on you, especially your torso."  
"No, don't stop, I'm fine, " he sounded like he was begging and this was the first time he sounded... Desperate?  
I slowly climbed back onto Gatsby, "is this fine?"   
Jay nodded. I leaned down again slowly making sure Jay wasn't in any pain. Then Jay flipped me over. My eyes got very wide again and there was no way I was prepared for that to happen.   
"I'm not fragile," Jay claimed.   
"You were shot! I was being cautious."   
"Throw caution into the wind. You kissed me in a public place with cameras. You can't be that concerned." Jay kissed me again and I moaned into his mouth loving every moment.  
"Can you do that again? Make that sound? I like that sound." He asked.   
"Say my name," I demanded.   
He lowered his head very close to my ear, "Nick," he whispered and his lips brushed my ear.   
Jay then attacked my neck, I closed my eyes in pleasure and moaned again my only goal being to please Jay.   
"Excuse me?" A nurse who we didn't notice entered the room, "Mr. Gatsby shouldn't be performing that much physical activity. You also shouldn't be doing that in general. It's disgusting!"   
"So what if we are both men?!" Gatsby shouted.  
Even as an 'out' homosexual I was never that aggressive. When people told me I was disgusting, which those who I came out often did, I just nodded and told them I knew I was but that I couldn't change. Many claimed I could change and that there were places out there for people like me to be straight.  
"Oh, nothing Mr. Gatsby," the nurse said as she turned pale, "I just brought the waiver for you to sign to be released. You can go home and do whatever you two want," she rolled her eyes in disgust. Jay stood up to get the forms and grabbed his side in pain. He staggered over there and signed the forms quickly.   
"You're free to leave," the nurse said, grabbing the papers and scurrying out of the room.   
"We can go back to my mansion," Gatsby suggested.  
"I brought your car, come on," I said.   
"Wait, I don't have a shirt on," Gatsby complained.   
I hadn't even noticed but when he said it my eyes drifted around his muscular chest and abdomen.   
"My face is up here, ol...Nick."   
I like how Gatsby corrected himself. I wasn't just like everyone else who he called Old Sport, he called me by my name.  
"You can have mine," I said as I smirked and began to take off my shirt.  
"No, no, that's not necessary..." he trailed off as he too began to stare at my now bare chest. I usually didn't feel comfortable around others and the last thing I would ever do is take off my shirt but I was just so different around Gatsby. Gatsby snapped out of whatever trance he was in looking at my chest and looked at the spot on my neck where he had bitten me which I bet was already starting to bruise.   
"I don't want anyone to see you shirtless," Gatsby said possessively.   
"You say that like I'm your possession," I remarked.   
"You're not a possession but you are definitely mine."  
"I don't believe I ever said I was. I only said I had feelings for you and you never even said if those feelings were reciprocated or not."  
"Nick, don't make me say it."  
"Say it or I'm not putting my shirt back on."   
"Nick, I have feelings for you and I really want you to put your shirt back on so we can go back to my mansion and I can show you how much I feel," Gatsby said pleading.  
I slipped my shirt back on and threw my arm around Gatsby's shoulder and he did the same and used me as a crutch as we walked out of the hospital room. Let's pretend that is the only reason why I had slugged my arm around Gatsby, was to support him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief mentions of sex and violence but nothing too explicit

As we got back to his mansion I was going to walk back to my house but Gatsby refused.  
"You're living with me now, I thought you knew that...Nick. Even that nurse knew."  
We made it quickly up to one of the many bedrooms in Gatsby's mansion. The last thing I remember was being completely naked under Gatsby who was only covered by the bandages around his torso.  
I woke up just as naked as I was the night before next to Gatsby. He looked peaceful as he slept. While he was awake he always looked stressed and worried but as he slept it was like nothing was bothering him. His facial expression changed quickly and he started shouting.  
"No!" He screamed in his sleep. I was about to wake him when he shouted again, "don't hurt him! Don't touch him!" It was very clear he was saying him. He wasn't protecting Daisy, he was protecting a guy.   
"Please!" Gatsby shouted, "I love him!" Gatsby yelled and continued to repeat. I wondered if he had some past male lover. Maybe he was attracted to both genders and had sex with some other guy as he did with me last night.   
"Nick, I'm sorry," he started crying in his sleep, "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't fallen for you."  
I had to wake Gatsby up. It wasn't fair to hear all this especially when he didn't know what he was sharing. I was surprised of course to find out that Gatsby loves me but I couldn't mention it.  
"Jay!" I shouted and rubbed his shoulder that the bandages weren't wrapped across.  
He shot up as he woke up. He looked around frantically and calmed down as he realized I was still in bed next to him.   
"Why are you still here?" He asked.  
"I thought I made it pretty clear I liked you a lot yesterday."  
"That's what they all say," Gatsby started, "then they run away like you were only a toy."  
I didn't know if Gatsby was only referring to Daisy or if he had other experiences but I wasn't going to press the issue further.  
"I won't leave unless you ask me to, Jay," I said looking in his eyes which immediately seemed to calm him down.  
"Promise?" He asked, fear quivering in his voice.  
"Of course Jay," I said solidly.  
For a moment we looked at each other like it may have been the last time.  
"Mr. Gatsby?" A butler said coming into the room, "oh my bad, I didn't realize you had a guest, but there's a phone call for you."  
"Give me a minute," Gatsby requested and the butler nodded and closed the door.  
I wondered if Gatsby still thought it may have been Daisy. Gatsby quickly got dressed, my eyes may have danced around the room as he seemingly did as he got dressed. He apologized quickly before he left me in the room alone. I fell back onto the fluffy pillows exhaling. Last night had felt more like a dream and I still couldn't believe any of it was real yet. It had to be though. I found shreds from the clothes I was wearing yesterday and realized Gatsby must've been vicious. If it was his first time with a guy he was more than experienced enough for me. I didn't have a lot of experience and most of the guys I ever did anything with just wanted to 'try something'. After the first night though they didn't know my name and if they stayed for that long they quickly said they never wanted to do anything like that again. Part of me expected Gatsby to leave me or demand me to leave his house immediately like everyone else had done to me before but to see him really had made my morning. I looked at some of the shirts Gatsby owned remembering when he threw them all at Daisy. I shook the thought from my mind and chose my favorite remembering I would have to get clothes from my place later especially if I was going to be living here now.  
"I'm sorry Nick but there was some business I had to attend to," Gatsby said entering the bedroom. He stopped talking for a second until he said, "Are you wearing my clothes?"  
"I'm sorry," I apologized, "I hope you don't mind but you kind of ruined my clothes from last night and all my other clothes are still at my house."  
"This is your house now unless that's too fast, I understand, I was rushing you, no you can stay at your house, and I'll stay here, and we can take our time, and yeah that's fine," Gatsby said rushing through every word. That was something I was starting to realize Gatsby did frequently run through every word just enough so that didn't slur together but you barely understood what he was saying. I knew he didn't want to mess anything up ever again. To keep himself sane he needed to be perfect and I started to realize I was becoming a Gatsby fantasy. I should've been nervous then or told him how I was different than everyone and he didn't need to be perfect for me. What I said instead was nothing close to that.  
"No!" I said stopping him from whatever else he was going to say, "I want to live with you but it's going to take me time to adjust here and all my clothes are still at my OLD house."  
"That's fine ol... Nick," Gatsby said, still struggling with the new change in speech, "I can get a guy here and he can measure you and a whole new set of clothes."  
"That's completely unnecessary," I claimed, "nothing was wrong with my old clothes."  
"Nick?" Gatsby's voice was once again filled with question, "does my...business... bother you?"  
I thought for a moment, "it used to," I decided, "but I don't mind it, I know you aren't a bad person."  
"But I am!" He cried out, "I've killed so many! I deserved to be killed that night!"  
"Jay, please don't say that, I want you alive, hell I need you alive."  
"You deserve so much more than me Nick. You deserve an honest man."  
"Jay, I have feelings for you, not any other man, you. Are you okay though? You were really jumpy when you woke up and you still seem to be a little on edge."  
"A bad dream was all," Gatsby said, "and that phone call didn't help."  
"What was the dream about?" I asked, "you were yelling and it sounded intense."  
"Are you sure you want to know?" He asked.  
"Of course, I think it would help you to talk about it."  
I knew Daisy had never cared about what Gatsby felt. If she had she never would've left Jay that night but then this wouldn't have, maybe one day I would have to thank my cousin for being so selfish. Her selfishness was allowing me this small chance I still didn't believe I had with Gatsby.  
"I was tied up," Gatsby started to say, "a man I didn't know had a gun. Another man was tied up across from me but he was masked so I couldn't see his face. The gunman had the gun at my head but said it wouldn't be as fun to kill me, that he wanted to torture me first. He took off the mask from the other man tied up and it was you. I was so scared, I didn't want to see you hurt especially because of something I had dragged you into. I yelled to you, told the gunman to stop, to do whatever he wanted to me but to just let you go. He shot you and then untied me but there was nothing I could do, you were already dead. You woke me then and I jolted up to make sure you were alright. I almost ran to the window before I realized you were next to me."  
I looked over at the window Gatsby had in his room and saw that he could easily see the shed of my old house sitting there and wondered if he had ever watched for me before. I always had this feeling that Gatsby was watching and that he saw everything. I doubt he ever looked at me because when I walked over to the other window he had in his room I could clearly see Daisy's old mansion. I was positive that he had spent a good deal of his time standing where I was and looking out at the house wishing for more than he had. I bet if he was willing to run to the window where he could see me then he definitely had nightmares about Daisy and would run-up to this window and stare at the far distance place imaging that everything was okay and it was only a matter of time before he had Daisy. Gatsby came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder and looked to see what I was staring at. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him shake his head and so he moved his head off my shoulder, took my chin with one hand, made it so I was facing him and nodded like I was the only thing in his life that mattered now. The feeling was special and I had never felt it. I wanted to feel this way the rest of life like I was special and in a constant high state.   
"Would you do that for me? In real life?" I asked curiously.  
"Of course I would Nick I... have feelings for you so why wouldn't I? Especially if it's because of work, you don't deserve to die because of who I'm associated with. Also, did I say anything in my sleep some of my servants have told me I talk in my sleep."  
"Yes you did but I can't recall much of it."  
We sat in silence until one of us decided to break the silence that was somehow comfortable but awkward at the same time. I was lost in his eyes, his eyes that we're so blue that I was almost convinced if you gazed at them long enough you would feel like you were swimming. They reflected light as water would and I could continue to stare at his eyes forever if he hadn't spoken.  
"Would you like to go out for breakfast?" Gatsby asked.  
"Breakfast here would be just fine," I replied, "I like being here with you, I can do everything I can't do in public. Like this," I said as I kissed his lips.  
He smiled as I pulled away, "it certainly didn't bother yesterday in that hospital. Does it bother you that we can't get married?" He asked suddenly.  
"Well I mean it does," I reply, "but when I figured out I was homosexual I knew I wouldn't be able to. Same situation with children. I've always wanted a child but I knew that I never would. I became okay with it, it was just an accepted reality for me. But with all your money couldn't you hire some fancy person that could marry us? I'm sorry that's too fast, isn't it? We have just started these relations. I'm sure you're still unsure about many things, I'll shut up."  
"I'm sure one of the people I work with has a license to marry. What would you like for breakfast?"  
"Anything is fine," I reply, "toast and coffee even."  
I didn't like eating in front of people very much so I didn't want a very big meal that I would have to eat in front of Gatsby. I had body issues and thought if I ate the wrong amount they would call me everything I knew I was. I was fat, overweight, had too much fat here and there but my arms weren't thick enough. The last person I wanted to think this of me was Gatsby but I knew he should've seen it all last and was surprised he hadn't thrown me out and been offended when I called the house next door mine instead of the house I was in.  
"When are you going to understand I don't do things small?" Gatsby said in a mocking tone interrupting all the thoughts in my head.   
I rolled my eyes but followed Gatsby out of the bedroom and he shouted breakfast to nobody in particular but when we reached the dining room food was scattered all over the table.  
"Before I forget, you look hot as fuck in my clothes," Gatsby said.   
I felt a blush crawl across my face, I knew he was wrong. Gatsby was shorter than me and while he was broader than me it still didn't make up for all the extra height or all the extra weight I knew I had on my body. I tried to hide the blush the best I could by taking a sip from one of the various containers on the table. Whatever I drank was very sweet but I didn't question it too much.  
"Are you okay?" Gatsby asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"Yeah, why?" I asked.  
"Because you just drank syrup."  
I facepalmed myself and rolled my eyes, "I'm so stupid. I thought it was my coffee cup."  
Gatsby still looked confused but decided to ignore me as he stuck his fork back into his waffles.   
"Can't we go out?" Gatsby pleaded, "I want to get away from this house."  
"Well I wanted to move my belongings today in the house," I said, not hating the idea of going out but scared of the media and everyone else.  
"Oh it's fine Nick, I can get some of my servants to do the work for you."  
"Alright then, I guess we can go somewhere, where do you want to go?"  
"How about to Coney Island? We never got to go there a week ago."  
I remember how he offered to take me to Coney Island a week ago in exchange for asking Daisy over to tea. I hated the idea of going there for that reason but maybe I could associate the place with new memories. Memories of Gatsby and me.  
"Alright, I don't see why not. Let's go! Well actually do mind if I go in our clothes?"  
"Of course not. I don't want a bunch of eyes on you but I don't mind you giving me a better view. Literally, just steal all my clothes and I can buy new ones, I'm sure they would all look better on you."  
"Oh you know they wouldn't. The top is a little short but big on the sides and the pants are also short and loose-fitting."  
"Are you calling me fat?" I couldn't tell if he was joking so I replied seriously. If anything I was the fat one who couldn't fit properly into Gatsby's clothes, he was easily more fit and in better shape than me.  
"No, just broad, and that means you are very strong,'' I said grabbing his upper arm, "I'm sure my shreds of clothes from last night would also agree."  
"I was anxious, is all, last night."  
"Be anxious every night then I like my men a little savage."  
"Do you have to mention other men while talking to me Nick?"  
"No, no, Jay, you have to know by now you are the only man in my life, for now, " I winked.  
"Naughty boys will get punished, " he claimed.  
"I wouldn't mind being punished but I would think being with you is enough of a punishment."  
Jay lost it, I saw it in his eyes, he slammed me against the wall and naturally I wrapped my legs around his waist. I had never been with a man shorter than me like Gatsby was but I certainly wasn't minding it. I looked at his eyes. He looked furious but not the same viciousness that he had in eyes with Tom. He was ferocious, animalistic even and yet as I was pinned against the wall with his hot breath on my neck I couldn't deny how sexy it actually was. All the men I was ever with were timid, and that made Gatsby very different. Even the first time he was rough which gave me hope that he wouldn't leave and that he was having a good time.   
He bit my neck and I yelped, it had actually hurt me.  
"Be a good boy next time and you won't be hurt. But you know the word if I ever hurt too bad. That wasn't too bad though, was it?"  
"No, it wasn't unbearable, " I agreed.  
"Good, the last thing I want to do is to injure you."  
"I'm sorry I left you in a position to get injured, " I rubbed my hand over his chest so he knew exactly what I met.  
"I still don't blame you for that, " he said.  
"That will never stop me from blaming myself."  
"It really should. I don't like that you are blaming yourself."  
"You ought to get used to it. I find many things are my fault. Like that dream you had, it was probably my fault I was in the situation regardless if you knew it or not."  
"Nick, I swear you are the least to blame in every situation and you are the only one that blames yourself."  
"Well, it's not like anyone else is going to take the blame around here. I mean you used with Daisy but now that you are over her nobody will ever take the blame around here."  
"That does not mean you should blame yourself and I would take the blame for you anyway Nick, especially if you are going to keep blaming yourself. I'd take a thousand bullets for you in a heartbeat."  
"I'd take a bullet for you any day, especially that day."  
"Never take a bullet for me, swear it, I couldn't live without you but I'm sure you could."  
"Jay, I waited the whole summer for you. That day I thought I lost you and I didn't think I would ever be able to tell you how I felt."  
"Swear it, Nick! Swear you will never take a bullet for me."  
"Jay, I don't think you would want me to lie to you."  
"No, please lie to me, " he begged, "anything to make me feel safer about you."  
"Let's just go to Coney island, " I insisted.  
"Nick, just promise me."  
"Jay, I swear I won't take a bullet for you, " I said then added quickly under my breath so he couldn't hear, "I'll take two."  
"Off we go, Nick let's not dwell any longer."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of eating disorders/ body shaming. Mild homophobia but not homophobic slurs.

Gatsby and I spent the day very close. Never quite touching hands or arms but definitely enjoying each other's presence all the same. Many people were caught up in their own worlds so I didn't mind if I felt like I was letting too many glances at Gatsby slip past my mind. We ate cotton candy and corn dogs for lunch. We fed each other the majority of the food being the couple I despised seeing as a teenager because I thought I would never have that type of relationship but there I was giggling like a schoolgirl might with her friends and sitting right next to Gatsby. I was glad I had pushed the majority of breakfast just around my plate as he was feeding me the greasy corn dog and the cotton candy which I didn't want to know how many calories it had. I dabbed some of the cotton candy on his check and when he reached up to try and wipe it off I grabbed his hand. I leaned over and licked it right off his check and then pressed a soft kiss against the same area and pulled back immediately to make sure nobody saw too much. I was hoping this would make him stop feeding me because I felt like I had already eaten too much.  
"You're adorable," Gatsby said and I smiled bigger than the moon, "did you do that on purpose?"  
"I would never!" I claimed putting a hand to my chest looking fake offended by the question. I would never admit to Gatsby I had smeared part of the cotton candy on his face just to kiss him but I would do it 500 times over.   
I knew paparazzi were following us around and I constantly saw flickers of cameras and by now I had to be on the covers of at least 5 different magazines already.   
"What if moved somewhere else?" I asked Gatsby.  
"What do you mean, Nick?"  
"Like what if moved out west, started a new life where nobody knew us."  
"Don't you like our house?" Gatsby asked with sadness and hurt lining his voice.  
"No! No, it's not that. It's just that maybe if we moved we wouldn't have so much attention on us. We could live a small, hidden life where nobody would question us and we wouldn't be on the front cover of newspaper and murder wouldn't lurk us and we wouldn't..." Gatsby cut me off.  
"You know my business is here, my life is here, I had it all planned out!" He retaliated.  
"No!" I yelled starting to make a scene, "your life with Daisy might have been here but if you want a life with me I can't be here!"  
"Quiet down old sport, people are here."  
"That's all you care about, your reputation, you're just as shallow as the rest of them," I spit at Gatsby. I hardly meant a single word but I said it regardless. I knew to rephrase the compliment I gave him would hurt but he only used Old Sport with those he barely cared about and those he just wanted to use to get what he wanted.  
He looked at me furiously, but his eyes also revealed a world of hurt behind them. Damn those eyes, those eyes could break me if I looked at them and they stared back for too long.  
"Let's give something to stare at," I said quietly so only Gatsby could hear me, "fuck your reputation," were the last words I said before I took Gatsby's shirt in one hand and kissed him full force on the lips.  
Gatsby was reluctant at first. He knew exactly what his options were and knew exactly what would happen depending on who he chose. He could choose me or himself and his reputation. Soon I began to believe he was going to choose himself, I loosened my kiss slightly and a tear fell down my face. I didn't want to lose Gatsby for I just hadn't him for that long and I had wanted so much more. After I began thinking he was going to claim I was some stranger who had kissed him he began to kiss me back, right in the middle of Coney Island. One of my hands went down to his waist deepening our kiss while one of his hands went into my hair making sure I couldn't slip away. I put as much force as I could because if he pulled away and changed his mind I wanted to remember this kiss and the way his lips felt against mine. As our kiss became more and more passionate I saw more and more flickers of camera light from behind my closed eyelids. I thought that might make Gatsby pull away too but he didn't even seem to notice.  
As we ran out of breath and we pulled away our foreheads remained touching and we breathed heavily on each other.  
"Jay, I love you, I don't want to leave but I can't stand being here. Everything here just haunts me."  
"We can leave if you want, Nick," he emphasized my name, asking for forgiveness for calling me Old Sport, "we can do whatever you want."  
"Where would you want to go?"  
"Far," Gatsby said, "very far. Out where there are no big homes and people live 5 miles away from each other."  
"Are you sure?" I asked him.  
"Well, maybe where they only live a mile apart. Would that be fine?"  
"Anywhere with you would be perfect," I said.  
"Let's go home and start packing," he smiled.  
We held hands and walked out of the amusement park. I paid no attention to those who spit towards us as we walked because I was too caught in my fantasy to do anything. I knew this angered Gatsby because his grip on my hand got tighter the more people made their silent comments but as long as he was there, by my side, I didn't care. This amusement park was way different than the way I described his parties. I loved this, the way I was still going with so much adrenaline. That's when I realized Gatsby had never told me he loved me. Maybe he didn't love me and I was stupid for believing he did. Maybe he could only love Daisy and I was a distraction who reminded him just enough of Daisy. However, I tried to be like Gatsby and be hopeful. I ignored it though because I hoped we had a long time ahead of us.   
We packed for the most part in silence. All my clothes had already been moved to his house but it was easy enough to throw all of them in a suitcase. After Jay finished packing we got in his car and he just drove. First, there was big city after big city, then the cities got smaller and smaller, then there was space between the cities, and soon there were hardly any cities at all. We were about a mile away from Denver when we came across a smaller town that had maybe only 20 houses. They were all bigger than mine was but all much smaller than Gatsby's was. Many of the houses were already occupied but 3 were empty. We went to Denver to ask about the three houses. They said we could have anyone we wanted. I let Gatsby choose one of the three because I knew this type of thing was much more important to him. After Gatsby had bought the house we drove back to the town and introduced ourselves to everyone. Luckily, the majority of people didn't have a problem with us. One was even a priest that agreed to marry us if we wished. He said it wouldn't be legal because of the law but he could do everything he would for a heterosexual couple. I was very thankful while Gatsby had really shown no emotion. I wondered if he just didn't want to get married to me because I knew he wanted to marry Daisy, or maybe he was just tired. This made all the insecurities that I had in Coney Island about him not saying he loved me come back. I took some breaths and tried to think more positively. Its nothing I told myself, he's tired, maybe he just isn't ready, he needs more time to accept his feelings, I didn't accept being homosexual overnight. I smiled satisfied with all the excuses I gave myself.  
After everyone knew us we went back to our house now. I knew the house had three bedrooms which I wasn't quite sure why we needed that many or why we needed the 3 bathrooms the house had either. I would've been happy with a one-bedroom and one bathroom small thing like I had back in New York but I was still getting used to the fact that was just not the way Gatsby did things. Gatsby was a go big or go home type of guy. Whether he was like that his whole life or if his infatuation with Daisy had made him like that, I was unsure. Walking in I realized the house was almost fully furnished. The bed didn't have sheets but a couch, appliances, and many other necessary things were already in the house.  
"Did you set this up?" I asked Jay.  
"Of course. I didn't want you to stress."  
"I'm going to go back into Denver and get some things," I told Jay and he nodded.  
"Do you mind if I call up Wolfsheim?"  
I groaned slightly, "no Jay of course not. You are allowed to talk to who you want."  
"Thanks for understanding Nick," he snuck behind and kissed my neck.  
"I'll be back shortly," I promised. I turned around, peaked him on the lips and left with a small skip in my step.   
I was out for about two hours before I came back to the house. It was now very dark outside and when I walked inside our house all the lights were out. I figured Gatsby must've gone to bed early because he was tired of driving all day. After putting away all the things I bought into the cabinets I walked to the room Gatsby and I shared. Gatsby was only in his boxers but the blanket was over him. He had put the sheets on the bed and pillows but didn't bother to use it. I went to pull the blanket over him when I saw his wound. I still couldn't help but blame myself. If I would've stopped him I could've stopped Wilson. Then again maybe none of this would've happened. I ran my hand over his chest.  
"Nick stop," Gatsby laughed. Even in his sleep, Jay knew I was here for him.  
"Jay? Do you love me?" I asked him.  
"Yes, I love you," he murmured. He had now admitted it twice in his sleep but still couldn't say it awake.   
"I love you too," I said to the sleeping Jay. I pulled the cover over him and slipped into bed next to him. I pulled Jay as close as I could care not to touch his scar region.  
I woke up with his hair in my face and I smiled as I inhaled the scent.   
I took a shower while Gatsby was still asleep and when I got out Gatsby finally woke up. I was still only in a towel and he covered his head with the blanket when he realized it.  
"You know you've seen me naked before right?" I asked him, laughing slightly.  
"Not this early!" He shouted under the blanket.  
"Ahh so you like it early," I smirked, "I wouldn't mind taking another shower you know."  
He took the sheet off his head and his eyes were wide. He sauntered over to me and kissed me and I struggled to keep my towel on. That was until Jay took the towel off my waist.  
"Turn around," he commanded.  
He whipped my ass with the towel, "to the shower," he demanded. I followed his instructions.   
After we were done it was lunchtime and we decided to go to a local cafe. We greeted some of the folks we knew and sat down at a table with our food.   
"Do you mind if we talk about what happened in New York?" I asked. At least asking questions could stop me from hitting or at least overeating. I didn't think I needed to eat as much as I did in a day.  
"I don't," he replied.  
"Do you know who told Wilson you killed Myrtle?"  
"Tom, I suppose."  
"Do you blame me for leaving you alone?" I asked, almost scared of the response I was going to get.  
"Of course not Nick."  
"Why not?"  
"I think Wilson was crazy enough to shoot you too if you were there and I wouldn't want you to get hurt so it's probably better you weren't there."  
"Do you still think about Daisy?"  
He exhaled and broke eye contact, "not since you admitted your feelings to me in the hospital," he said re-establishing eye contact.  
"Is that when you realized you liked me?"  
"I'm not sure honestly when you saved me I ignored any feeling but I just kept going with my gut and I just wanted to keep going back for you. When we slept together I was positive that I lov...liked you."  
"Jay, I have said I have loved you twice now but do you love me?"  
"I..." he stuttered, "yes I do."  
"Why can't you say it?"  
"I'm trying. I want to."  
"Jay, I love you, even if you can't say it."  
"Nick," Jay kissed me passionately and it portrayed what he couldn't say, "I... can't say it, I'm sorry."  
"Hey, Jay, I promise it's okay, I know you do, you don't have to prove it. Have you ever been in another relationship though? Like with a guy? Or with another girl besides Daisy?"  
"No, it was only ever Daisy but then it became only you and I wouldn't have it any other way. Your family must have great genes, " he smiled and joked.  
I let out a small laugh, "we must. So I was the first and only guy you have been with?"  
"Yes, Nick you are the only guy I've been with. Would you make you jealous if you weren't?"  
"Maybe a little, " I admitted.  
"Did you have any more questions?"  
"How did your conversation with Wolfsheim go yesterday?"  
"Fine, he talked about how I could still provide us with a steady source of income. Is that okay with you?"  
"Of course Jay, I can't judge you and if that's what you want to do I'm not going to dictate your life."  
"Besides I'll have enough money for both of us so you can focus on your writings."  
"You're really okay if I don't provide income for a while?"  
"I can get more than enough for both of us."  
"Jay you're a selfish man and I love you."  
"Do you want to know anything else?"  
"What was the life like you planned with Daisy?"  
"You really want to know the answer to that Nick?"  
"Yes, I want to know what you always wanted."  
"Well we were going to live in my mansion back in Long Island and we were going to get married. We were going to have a child or two of our own and she was going to be treated like the queen I thought she was."  
I liked how everything was past tense. It gave me, even more, hope that this man was with me, and he planned to stay with me. That I wasn't just someone he might wake up one day and drive away. I hope he knew I didn't plan to lead him on as Daisy did.  
"Do you have any big future plans with us?"  
"No, I want this to be unplanned because I'm not losing you because you can't live up to expectations placed upon you. You are what I want and no matter what you become I know it's always going to be you. At the end of the day, I'm always going to want to come back to you."  
"If there was a way we could get a child would you want to raise it?" I blurted suddenly.  
"If I was with you I would take on any challenge."  
Around Gatsby, I couldn't stop smiling. He was just that type of person where you couldn't help at being mesmerized.   
"What? Do I have something on my face?" He asked.  
"No you're just beautiful," I said softly.  
"You're too kind," Jay said in a sarcastic way.  
"I'm so glad Wilson didn't mess up your face, that's why I put my hand on your face that day because you looked so peaceful when you were unconscious."  
"I think you underrate yourself, Nick."  
"Just because I know I'm not beautiful doesn't mean I underrate myself."  
"Oh Nick, you are the most beautiful person in the world."  
"I'm not, I could name at least 100 problems with myself right now. I'm too tall, I'm overweight, and," Gatsby cut me off before I could even get to three.  
"Nick, you can't think like that," he said. He looked down at my plate of food which I hadn't touched, "you haven't eaten anything, you're starving yourself on purpose!"  
"But it's all true, I'm anything but perfect."  
"I'm not perfect either, you know I've killed people, I will have to in the future but no matter what I'm going to be the most selfish man I can be and keep you all to myself."  
"Good, because I'm never letting you go either Jay Gatsby."  
Jay kissed me and afterward I couldn't stop smiling.   
"Your smile is beautiful, you know?" Jay stated it even though it was a question.  
"Not as pretty as your smirk," I said and glanced at my watch, "how about we go to Denver and really see the city. We can be there before 3."  
"Sure, let's go!"  
We drove to Denver and just walked around the various stores and shops that were set up. We held hands and ignored the dirty looks we got as we passed by. There was a jewelry store, a weaponry store that I quickly passed, a few cafes and restaurants, a few places to buy produce and appliances, a car dealership, a church, and many others.  
"Hey, Jay, I want to go into this drug store and look for something, do you mind waiting for me out here?"  
"Actually I want to go something I saw in the window of one of those other stores."  
"Oh yeah, you do that," I said, "want to meet over there?" I asked, pointing to a bench outside a cafe.  
"Yes, I'll meet you there," Gatsby agreed.  
I went into the drug store as Gatsby walked back to the many other stores we had passed. I was scared that he was going to buy a handgun. Not that I was afraid he would shoot me but I still didn't like the thought of Gatsby killing people.  
"Hello, can I help you find anything?" A man from behind the counter asked.  
"No, not right now," I said.  
I looked at the many different prescriptions on the shelves of the store. I grabbed a narcotic I thought might help Gatsby sleep at night, I grabbed another anger medication I thought he might find useful too, finally, I grabbed a stress reliever that I had planned to take myself.  
I went to the counter and told the man I wanted these three different ones, "are you okay?" He asked.  
"Yeah, I was in World War 1," I replied, this usually stopped people from asking further questions.  
"I don't care why," the man said, "I just sell it."  
We didn't say anymore and I walked out and didn't see Gatsby at the bench. I looked at more of the shops around me and decided to check out the bookstore.   
"Hello, can I help you?" A young lady who could only be 20 behind a desk asked.  
"Oh no, I'm just looking," I replied.  
"Just let me know."  
I looked at the many books that were stacked neatly on the shelves that reached the ceiling and I couldn't even imagine the feeling of one of my books being on these shelves.  
"Sir? Are you okay?" The lady asked.  
"Oh yes," I answered, "just imagining if my book were on these shelves."  
"Would you like your book to be on the shelves? I can put it up."  
"I never have finished writing one," I admitted.  
"Well if you ever do if you give it to me I will give it a read and might decide to put it on these shelves."  
"Thank you, so much."  
"Of course, I would love to encourage you to write. I never did and I regret it now. I want to write something but I haven't got much to write about now."  
I walked out and saw Gatsby walking towards the bench so I walked towards him.  
"Got what you need darling?" Gatsby asked.  
"Trying something new, are we sweetie?" I retaliated in sass.  
"Of course baby, I always love to change it up."  
"Well, yes love, I have everything I need. Do you?"  
"Yes."  
We drove back to our house and I cooked dinner for us because it was 6:30 and Gatsby had no clue how to cook. He, however, thought my cooking was divine but said he would have to hire servants. I kept reminding that this was not New York and he especially had to learn to do things himself. He rolled his eyes insisting that was all unnecessary and that it would be easier to hire servants and we had the money for it but I kept denying it. Gatsby also began to keep a close look at what I was eating. He made sure that I was eating a least a plate of food and made sure, especially if I was eagerly eating, that I didn't throw it up afterward, which I may have a few times. Every day he made sure to let me know how perfect I was and I rarely believed him but I was hoping one day I would.  
A few days later a newspaper article came out. A picture of Gatsby and me kissing was the front page. Jay Gatsby is a homosexual? It read. To be honest, at the time I didn't know the answer myself. Gatsby said his sexuality didn't matter what mattered was that I was there with him. So I pushed the headline out of my head and went on with our life because that's all we could do.


	4. Chapter 4

*1 year later around my birthday*

Today was once again my birthday. I hated my birthday last year was the worst birthday I ever had. I didn't mind that nobody had acknowledged it but there was a lot that happened on my birthday that I would never want to live through again. I didn't think Gatsby knew which didn't bother me either because I had everything I needed but when I woke up and when Gatsby wasn't beside me I jumped up didn't bother putting on any clothes and ran around the house looking for Gatsby only in boxers. I ran into the kitchen and when I saw Gatsby pleasantly sitting there waiting and a small box wrapped where I usually sat I realized that Gatsby very well knew today was my birthday.   
"Happy birthday Nick!" Gatsby said before realizing I was in my boxers, "not that I mind almost naked but don't most people get dressed before breakfast?"  
"Jay I thought you had run away," I started to cry.   
Gatsby stood up from his seat, "no, no, please don't cry not on birthday, you should be happy, I know last year wasn't good so I tried to make this year better, please don't cry."  
With all of his comforting words, I knew he wouldn't leave me on a whim and I stopped crying. However, Gatsby's arms stayed wrapped around my bare chest.  
"Why would you think I would leave you?" He asked.  
"You just weren't next to me when I woke up and I usually wake up before you do so I just thought the worst. Especially when I thought you were happy and everything I thought I had messed up that I had forgotten to do something or you were starting to realize you didn't have feelings."  
Gatsby still hadn't said 'I love you' and while it didn't bother me it still worried me from time to time. It always made me feel less so I didn't say I love you as much because it would just remind me that for some reason unknown to me he didn't. If I asked if he loved me his response was always yes but he still couldn't say it.  
"Nick, you know how you promised you wouldn't leave me?"  
"Yeah," I answered, remembering that time less than a year ago when I was never going to let Jay go.  
"Well I'm not leaving unless you ask me too either," he promised.  
"Jay, I love you so much, thank you. How did you know today was my birthday?" I asked.  
"Nick, being in the business has its perks," he said with a smile on his face.  
I rolled my eyes, "isn't it rude to stalk your boyfriend?"  
"Not when I'm only trying to figure out his birthday," he replied.  
"When is your birthday?" I asked, "I must have missed it."  
"September 24th," he said though it took him a little longer to reply.  
"I'm sorry, I never knew," I said.  
"Hey it's fine, you don't have all the insights I do."  
"I'm going to give you the best birthday party ever," I promised.  
"That'll be easy. I've never had one," Jay said.  
"What? You've never had a birthday party?" I was surprised.  
"Nope, my parents didn't care and nobody else ever knew when my birthday was."  
"Not even Daisy?" I asked, timid to bring up her name because it had been unspoken for almost a year.  
"She never bothered to ask," he said.   
I didn't like when Jay talked about Daisy but I think it helped him to realize more and more that she hadn't cared much for him, only the adventure it brought around.  
"Well, either way, I'm promising the best birthday," I declared.  
"Any day with you is the best."  
"Oh stop being such a sap."  
"What can I say? You have changed me, Nick."  
I rolled my eyes, "just let me get dressed now that I know you're alive."  
"I don't know I like you better like this," Gatsby said, "I could give you part of your present a little early."  
"You know I like it late at night, we can start your morning nice and early though," Gatsby smiled as I made the comment.   
After I got dressed, I ate the breakfast Jay had tried to cook. It smelled like burnt food in the kitchen and I assume he had woken up very early to fail that many times and finally get it right. When I tried to stand up to throw the remaining scraps away he blocked me. I thought he might say something about how I had not finished every scrap on my plate. I thought we were over the whole body issue thing. Despite not loving my body even now I still ate a normal amount of food most days. Instead, he insisted on throwing it away himself even though he wasn't done eating. I didn't know if this was him trying to be nice or if he had made a huge mess in the kitchen. I then opened the small box that had a wristwatch. It looked much more expensive than the one I wore every day.  
"Aww, thank you, Jay, I absolutely love it." I took off the old watch that I was wearing and put on the one Gatsby got me.   
"You're welcome, it's one of the things I got on the first day of us being here. I saw it in the window and thought you could use a new one. I thought about giving it to you that day but I thought you could wait."  
"What else did you buy that day?" I asked him wondering if he would tell me if he bought a gun or not.  
"Another thing from the jewelry store and a gun," Gatsby said. So he had bought a gun, but at least he had been honest with me. I didn't press the matter on the gun because I rather have him kill someone then for him to be shot again. I didn't know if that was selfish or cruel to think but I would trade anything to keep Gatsby on earth with me.  
"What else did you buy from the jewelry store?" I pondered.  
"You'll know eventually," he confirmed.  
"Fine, let's do something fun. As much as I love you I don't want to just stay in the house all day."  
"How about we go to the Chicago Ferris wheel?" Gatsby suggested.  
"Isn't that really far away?" I asked.  
"Of course but you would be worth the drive. Besides, I know you have always wanted to go."  
"You really want to spend the day driving to Chicago just to go on a Ferris wheel?" My eyebrows raised not believing someone could like me enough to want to go to Chicago for a ride.  
"Yes I'm certain, let's go now and we can be there in the early afternoon."  
As we drove my mind drifted to the first conversation I had with Daisy in New York. She had asked if the people in Chicago missed. I had said yes but truth be told nobody had said a thing about her. When we got to Chicago I smiled, part of me had missed the feel of a big city. Gatsby parked a little bit away because he enjoyed walking. We walked hand and hand because while there were many more people that hated us in Chicago than in Denver there were also plenty that didn't care. We passed many cafes and many stores selling a variety of things. We passed many places where I knew bootlegging was happening and places that provided many different services. When we were passing a suit shop he insisted on at least buying one for me even though I didn't want it.  
"Come on, it can be ours," Gatsby then suggested.  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
"I'll make sure it fits me but if you need a formal suit it can be the one you wear."  
"Alright that's fine I guess."  
I knew what size Gatsby was and he definitely didn't buy the suit for himself. He had a wider frame then I did and was shorter than me though not by much. On him, the suit looked tight but was also too long. He insisted this was almost how all his suits fit him. I knew that was incorrect because I loved studying him. If I was a good artist I would've drawn him, he was a perfect model. While he was in suits none of them looked like that including the one he was wearing today. I didn't say anything though because I knew that Gatsby just wanted to be kind to me. I decided to try on the suit so Gatsby wouldn't be wasting his money and it did fit me perfectly. It fit better than the majority of the clothes I owned.   
We went back to the car because it was not that far away before going on the Ferris wheel. When we finally did I must have been a child. My hands were on the glass and I just kept staring at the view. That was until I felt Gatsby staring at me.  
"Oh I'm sorry, I'm blocking the view, aren't I? I can move aside."  
"No, you are the view. You are the most beautiful view ever."  
"Oh come on, Jay just look at this, all the skyscrapers, this has to look better than me."  
"It really doesn't but you enjoy the view," he wrapped his arms around my torso which was a frequent action he did that I was quite used to and put his head up to my shoulder which he had to stand on his toes to do, "I would do anything for you, you know?"  
"Yes, Jay, I know you would. Just like I would do anything for you."  
"I don't understand how you ever fell in love with me."  
"That first day I did," I said, remembering the first time I saw him at the party, "the fireworks behind you were nothing compared to your glorious smile. Your hair was just right, your skin was a perfect tan color, the suit hugged your body the way I still like, and your eyes promised so much more."  
This was the first time I ever told Gatsby the story, right there in a Ferris wheel on my 31st birthday. Jay turned me around and pressed me against the wall. He kissed me and being sandwiched I couldn't escape so I kissed him with all the passion I felt for that man.  
"After all this time you never told me you loved me on the first day?" He questioned.  
"I thought it might be odd," I admitted, "I know you didn't like me until you were in the hospital, maybe a little after that."  
"I wish I would have noticed you back then," he said, "not treated you like just a stepping stone, as a stair on the way to my grand scheme."  
"Don't focus on the past, because I much rather focus on the view right in front of me."  
"The window is behind you," Gatsby joked.  
"That's the point, you are in front of me. You can't relive the past so you might as well focus on what's in front of you."  
"For once I agree with you and all your weird sayings Nick, I am very fond of what's in front of me."  
He kissed me in the Ferris wheel once again and shoved me back to the window as we started to descend from the peak.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief mentions of sex (including slight BDSM). Some violence but mostly only mentions of fighting and different weapons

2 weeks later I began planning for Jay's birthday. It was his first birthday and it needed to be the best. I was going to get him a new car because he hadn't bought one since we first came to Denver almost a year ago. He could keep the old car if he wanted but I was going to get him a custom car, not like the one he had back in New York but one that I felt fit Gatsby. The car dealership in Denver looked at me like I was crazy when I told them I had no clue what I wanted but once I got started I knew exactly what Gatsby would want. He talked about cars not often but enough where I knew what engine he had versus the one he wanted. I was able to give a description of the car Gatsby would want and I convinced the dealership to paint it blue which was Gatsby's favorite color. I told the dealership to drive it to our address on the day of Gatsby's birthday. It cost a lot but Gatsby had an account that he allowed me to do what I wanted with but I rarely touched it. We had three accounts, one that was personal for both of us and one that we shared which we use to pay for food and things we shared. I rarely bought anything for myself so I had plenty of money to buy the car plus still a good amount left. Of course, all the money was money Gatsby 'earned' but it was normal and I had learned that it had to be okay so we could live.   
I went to the jewelry store and looked around for something Gatsby may like. I thought of what he wore and knew he used to wear a pinky ring when he threw those parties but had stopped wearing it when we moved here. I remembered it had his crest. I figured he would wear it if I bought him one so I bought one but I had our initials carved into it instead of just his.   
Finally, I went into the one store I had never been into in my year of being in Denver, the weapon store. I felt awkward walking into the store and I think everyone else in the store knew it.   
"Sir, can I help you find anything?" One man asked.  
"Do you know Jay Gatsby?" I asked.  
"Why of course I do. He's in here almost every week," the fact sent a shiver down my spine, "why?"  
"I was wondering what he typically bought?"  
"He usually buys ammo and about every month or two a new gun," I shuddered again with a new fact in my head.  
"What are these?" I asked, pointing to something that looked gold.  
"Brass knuckles," the store owner replied, "they are used in hand to hand combat."  
I grabbed a pair of those and a pair of handcuffs that I saw.   
"Are you buying this stuff for Gatsby?" He asked.  
"Yes, he asked me to pick some materials up," I replied not wanting to mention why I was actually buying the handcuffs.  
"Alright," the storekeeper said and made the charge to my private account.  
I went back to the jewelry store and picked up the ring. I tried it on and it was slightly big for me which was good because Jay's hands were wider than mine.   
Driving back home I knew my private account was nearly empty and Gatsby would probably be surprised the next time he would go to deposit money and the account was almost empty.

A week later I woke him up and like I promised we had fun very early in the morning because he enjoyed playing with me and seeing me flustered this early. However, today I pulled out the handcuffs I had bought a week ago and he was surprised, to say the least. He, however, seemed to love the experience and I would do anything to see him that ecstatic especially for his first birthday. Afterward, he took a shower by himself while I made breakfast. Unlike Gatsby, I didn't burn the food before finally getting it cooked right but I took care of his scraps as he did for me.   
I handed him two small boxes. He opened his ring first and loved it very much. He said it was a great way to separate from New York and it was unusual that it had both our initials but he loved it because we were unique like the ring was. He took his crest ring that he had kept in the drawer he told me not to open unless I was in danger because his gun was in there he knew I didn't like seeing guns. He gave it to me and I looked at him with confusion.  
"It would mean the world to me if you wore my crest," he said and with the amount of sincerity in his voice, I couldn't deny him. I took the ring from him and slid it onto my finger.  
"Perfect," I said, "I love you, Jay." I still didn't expect him to say it back but I believed he loved me and that belief was enough for me.  
When he opens the brass knuckles his eyes widen in surprise. He never expected me to support his gang life especially in a way like I was right now.  
"Are these for real?" He questioned.  
"Of course. I bought them from the weapon store in Denver."  
"You went into a weapons store? Alone?" He looked worried.  
"Yes, I did. That's also where I got the handcuffs for this morning," I smiled and winked.   
"I think I might need to shower you, it seems you have been bathing in sin. Last time I checked you were innocent."  
"Last time I checked I lost my innocence when I was 21, which was 8 years before I even met you. But yes that was the first time I ever walked into a weapon store."  
"Well you'll never see me use them but I will," Gatsby assured me.  
"Good, I'm glad I didn't buy you something you wouldn't use."  
"They should help the bruising of my knuckles too," he suggested.  
Gatsby often came home with various bruises. I never knew where they came from, he never told me and I never asked, part of me didn't want to know. However, every time he came with a different bruise I would always take care of him. He was usually out the next day and would come home with a different bruise but I would follow the same routine. Sometimes he came home without a bruise and I would smile happily knowing it was an easy win or he didn't even fight. I always assumed he got the bruises from various fights though he neither confirmed nor denied my theory. He was never wounded which I always loved because I never wanted to repeat the hospital despite how good it turned out for us. I knew when he had killed someone because those nights were always the worst for him. Sometimes he would cry himself to sleep in my arms and other times he would ask for some hot tea and would sip it slightly until he fell asleep and he would scream in his sleep. I was used to his screaming, his crying but every time he did it would pain me to see and hear all the same. Usually, when he fell asleep I would cry thinking of the pain he had been through that day and what he had to do. Nobody was awake to comfort me so I would just try to not wake Jay and hug him tight to know he was still there.  
"Nick!" Jay's voice snapped me out of the nights I had stayed up late waiting for him.  
"What?" I asked snapping back into the present.  
"I was asking if you had anything else planned?"  
"Oh! Yes, I do! I was going to take you anywhere you wanted to go today."  
"Anywhere?" He asked.  
"Anywhere in the world."  
"New Orleans even?" He said in a begging tone.  
"Of course Jay."  
"You're the best Nick!" He exclaimed.  
"You must have never met yourself," I commented and grabbed the keys a man had handed me this morning to Jay's new car.  
We exited our house and his blue car was sitting in the driveway.  
"Nick? Do you know whose car that is?" Jay asked.  
"I, in fact, do," I said, dangling the keys, "it's yours!"  
Jay looked at me for any sign of kidding in my eyes.  
"You're lying!" He accused, "you didn't buy me the ring, the handcuffs, the knuckles, and a car!"  
"Except that I did," I said right back to him.  
He snatched the keys right from my hands, "I changed my mind," he said, "we are going to the dealership and returning this! No wonder your bank account was practically empty! This must-have cost a fortune."  
"You can't return it," I said, "it's custom. You don't have to worry about how much it cost because I bought it with my own personal account which you said I could buy whatever I wanted with. I wanted to buy a new car for you."  
"Nick, when I said you could buy anything I met for yourself."  
"Too bad you weren't that specific. Besides everything you have done for me, you deserved it. I told you I was going to give you the best birthday and I'm not failing. So, you wanted to go to New Orleans? Would you want to drive? Or I should chauffeur you around birthday boy?"  
"I'll drive," Gatsby insisted, "it's the least I could do for all the trouble you went to...for everything, not just the car."  
As we drove to New Orleans after about an hour of silence I decided to break it.   
"Why New Orleans?" I asked.  
"It contains the hustle and bustle of the city without being New York."  
"You wanted something that reminded you of New York?"  
"Not quite, but when we went to Chicago I realized I did miss having a larger city vibe."  
"So do I," I admitted, "but I know too many people in Chicago."  
"What if we like New Orleans we could move down there?"  
"I wouldn't mind that, I suppose," I wondered if it would be easier for his business in a larger city but I, of course, didn't question him.  
As we drove on, my hand rode up Gatsby's thigh and sometimes he tried to swat my hand away but that hardly worked. Eventually, he did the same to me trying to tease me so I stopped but he didn't.  
"Stop!" I whined, "I stopped why can't you?"  
"Because you began teasing me first, so I get to go on longer than you."  
When we finally arrived I asked Gatsby what he wanted to do in New Orleans because I had never been to the area. He drove us around in the car and everything else was just as colorful as the car.   
"It's really pretty," I commented.  
"Yes, it's one of the reasons I suggested New Orleans."  
"I love it here, but I don't think I could ever live here."  
"Hey, it's okay Nick, if you don't want to move here we certainly won't."  
"I'm sorry, I love the city feel but parts of the city will always haunt me."  
"I know how you feel," Gatsby claimed. This was the statement I questioned most from Gatsby. Sure he was shot but I doubted he felt how I did. He didn't hear the love of his life get shot and then watch him bleed out for a minute.  
"Don't worry," he said, "I'm not leaving you."  
"Yes, I know."  
We just spent the rest of the evening walking around. We bought a great dinner and just enjoyed ourselves. I drove us home during the night while he slept. When we got back to Denver I picked him up bridal style and he cuddled close to my arms.   
"Nick," he mumbled. I knew he was sleep talking but I went along with his conversation.  
"Yes, Jay?"  
"Never let me go. I love you and I especially love being in your arms."  
"I love you too Jay. Don't worry I'll never let you go unless you ask me to."  
"I never would."  
"I know Jay, I know," I ran my hand through his hair as I set him in the bed.  
Even in his sleep, he tried to convince me that he loved me. I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing but I loved it. The truth was I loved everything about Gatsby, that's how I knew I loved him. When his flaws became nothing and they didn't matter because I believed he was a good person.  
"Nick?"  
"I'm here Jay," I said getting into our bed.  
"I love you," he mumbled.  
"I wish you could say that awake," I said so quietly that I doubted he could hear me, "I love you too Jay," I said louder.  
He started snoring and I was left awake wondering if he was the best actor alive or if he had actually enjoyed his day. I knew he would never tell me if he hated today though and I knew I could tell if he was lying but I didn't bother to ever ask him. I rather feel like I did a great job then fail at the only birthday party Gatsby ever had.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild homophobic comments

A few more weeks later

Gatsby and I have been together for one year. We hardly fight, probably because all he does for his job is fight. His business rarely gets in the way and when he's gone I just focus on my writing. The past year I have been writing about what happened in New York but I think I might change the ending. I might say I had chosen to go to work that day and Gatsby died or perhaps I could write a novel with two endings. Gatsby hasn't stuttered over old sport in a while and has helped me improve my self-confidence. We are going out for dinner tonight at the fanciest restaurant around here which is two hours away. I wore the suit he had bought for my birthday which still fit me perfectly and was still my favorite one even after this time. I had convinced Gatsby not to be another suit in the time period which was shocking because he was constantly asking. However, after spending all that money on his birthday I rarely spent any of my personal money Gatsby gave me. I ended up falling asleep on the way to the restaurant and Gatsby had to shake me awake when we got there.   
"5 more minutes," I groaned.  
"Nick, we are at the restaurant."  
I rolled my eyes and stretched my arms. We walked into the restaurant hand in hand. Over the past year, we had stopped caring about what people thought, especially after the Coney Island incident blew up in the newspaper 2 days after we arrived near Denver. Many people recognized Gatsby and recognized me shortly after as the man that had kissed him. Sure there were always people who threw slurs out and said we were disgusting. Most people paid no mention to us though.   
Gatsby pulled my chair and pushed me which wasn't uncommon anymore. He ordered champagne and some meals I didn't even try to comprehend. At restaurants, Gatsby typically ordered for me because he was much more mature and knew what things on the menu were. When ordering dessert which we typically did at all restaurants Gatsby whispered to the waiter and I was confused. However, when the waiter brought out a slice of cake I didn't think twice about what had happened. I tried to call back the waiter because they had given me a piece of cake with a ring in it but I then noticed Gatsby on his knee on the restaurant floor.  
"Nick, you have made me a better man, and I couldn't have done any of it without you, I don't regret anything I've done because it led me to this moment with you. Nick, I love you, and I want you to make me the happiest man in the world and say you'll be my husband."  
"That's the first time you said I love you."  
"Nick, I asked you a question."  
"You're serious? This is real?"  
"Yes, Nick this is all real."  
"Yes, I'll marry you!" I yelled out in the restaurant not caring who heard us or regardless if we could legally be married. Some people started applauding while the others who weren't supportive started booing and yelled slurs. I knew this bothered Jay, it always had. Even though he was no longer living out the 'perfect' life he had planned whenever someone pointed out that it wasn't it drove him insane. I started crying and I couldn't stop. I was so happy, it was the happiest moment of my life. Gatsby got up from the restaurant floor and I quickly wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. I didn't want him to do anything irrational and I knew he would. As the people around us continued to disapprove he snapped.  
"Why does it matter?!" he shouted to nobody in particular, "so what if we are both men! We love each other and that's enough for us so why can't it be enough for all of you?"  
One man stood up and decided to respond to Gatsby's question, "you two are unnatural freaks of nature! You will both burn in hell together! Find the light of God and marry a woman like you both should!"  
I saw the change in Gatsby's face and I knew he was getting more mad by the second. It scared me, it reminded me of the apartment with Tom but I knew I needed to take control of the situation before Gatsby showed who he was. I wasn't ashamed of what Gatsby did but not everyone in the restaurant needed to know the truth. I had never expected Gatsby to propose let alone in public like that but I had to think fast and couldn't reminisce on what had just happened.  
"Let's go, Jay, they don't want us here, just let it be."  
"Why should we have to leave?" he demanded to know, "they are the ones that have the problem," he said pointing at all the folks in the restaurant.  
I took him by the arm and tried to move him towards the door, "you're not finished with your dessert," he insisted, "we haven't paid either."  
I took a stack of cash I had in my pocket and threw it on the table, "I'm not hungry," I said.  
He let me drag him out of the restaurant as he was shouting, "I hope you're all happy!" he was saying, "you ruined the best the day of our lives!"  
He continued to walk towards our car and apologized, "I'm sorry, that is not how I pictured tonight going."  
"I love you, Jay, and I wouldn't change anything," choosing to ignore what had happened and commenting on the situation.  
"I love you too, Nick," Jay said as he wiped a tear away from my cheek but he was crying too, "please don't cry. You must want to change that though."  
"No," I answered, "you can't repeat the past but you can't change it either and I don't want it to change. I think we are who we are because of what we go through."  
"Yeah, but we shouldn't have to go through those things because we love each other."  
"Perhaps not, but I'm sure in 100 years people like us will be completely ordinary."  
"I bet there is going to people who say everything is equal but at the end of the day, nothing is because nothing will ever be."  
I think that was the first time I had seen Gatsby cry not from the guilt of killing someone but just out of pure happiness. I remembered when we had kissed in the restaurant and I had wanted to stay in his arms like that for hours but I was only there for a split second before Gatsby had to argue. I didn't blame Gatsby for any of what happened but it didn't make what happened better.

"When did you buy this?" I questioned, still looking at the ring to see if it looked at all familiar from the jewelry shop window. I didn't remember seeing it but maybe I had just missed it.  
"It is going to sound weird if I tell you," he said.  
"Just tell me, I want to know, " I whined.  
"Fine, " he huffed, "that first day we came to Denver."  
"Like when you bought me this wristwatch?" I asked, displaying my wrist slightly because now I always wore the one he bought for me.  
"Yes, that day. I told you, you think it's weird. It's okay I'm sure I can take it back and tell them all you said no because I'm weird, creepy, and delusional, I get it."  
"Jay, stop, it's fine, I don't care that you bought it the first day, it just means you were confident, and I'm glad I'm in love with such a confident man," I said with admiration implying much more than a sentence could.  
"Well, when we get home I promise to be just as confident if that's what you like."  
"Did you buy Daisy a ring?" I asked, very much killing the mood by mentioning her.  
"Yes, I did, " he admitted to me, "that day I moved to West Egg, I guess I've always been impulsive with these sorts of things."  
"What did you do with it?" I asked really hoping he didn't keep it.   
"It's in a drawer, that one that has my guns in it."  
"Why do you still have it?"  
"I want to give it away, to someone who needs it. I could pawn it but we don't need the money. I haven't been looking hard because I'm hoping a child stumbles upon our door and I can give it to him or her boyfriend."  
"What if he's like us? Then he wouldn't need a diamond ring. What would you even tell a child you got the ring from?"  
"I would just tell them it was my mother's ring and that I didn't need it because I had you. If our son was like us then I would tell him the same story and he can give it to his child or someone who he deems needs it."  
"Already thinking of grandchildren, Jay, someone is a little anxious."  
"I have you, a little child could only make it better."  
"We'll see what destiny holds, " I said looking at some stars that we're starting to come out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nonexplicit violence and minor OC death.

I had always dreamed of a small wedding with only a few people while Jay wanted this big procession. Instead, we invited everyone in our at most 80 population small town plus some people we knew from Denver, including the librarian which helped me put my first book "The Great Gatsby" on the shelves of not only her book store but many others as well.   
After the wedding, we lived peacefully for another year until a set of parents came knocking on our door. They already had three kids and were all very ill. They didn't want their new child to become ill so they asked if we could raise her for the time. Within the month her whole family died. We raised the girl, we named her Violet. The parents had said they were still deciding on a name when they gave her to us and never said anything in the month before they died. We gave her our last name because we didn't know the other family surname. When she asked about her real family we told her as much of the truth as we knew, when she asked questions about us we told her the truth, well the majority of the truth especially if it came towards Jay's business. Violet thought that Jay was a politician who made lots of money. We plan to tell her the truth about who Jay is eventually but not when she is young and could tell all her friends, we wanted to wait until we trusted her to keep a secret. Some of the kids make fun of her in school for having two dads but she tends to ignore them and only hang out with the kids who aren't bothered by Jay and me.   
The hardest nights are when Jay came home crying because of who he killed, I knew he despised killing others though he had done it so many times. When Violet asked why her Daddy was crying I would hold Jay closer, as on those days he ran home and straight into my arms, and I would just say he didn't want to do what he had to do today. She would ask why he just didn't refuse the task and I explained that he could lose his job if he refused. Jay had offered to quit for me several times and I constantly told him no. I knew despite what the job put him through it was what he wanted to do. When Violet was given to us he was even more adamant that he would quit if I wanted him to but my job was a stay at home type and I could take care of her just fine by myself. I was, of course, a better cook than him but other than that we were about the same on the parenting skill but I knew he enjoyed a high style of living which only his occupation could afford. I hoped that wasn't the only reason he had kept his job moving to Denver, I hoped he enjoyed part of his job that he did. If he had to meet with someone at your house I would take Violet shopping and would buy her a new doll or a dress she could wear. I took her to the jewelry store a lot to buy her a necklace, she also loved being a princess so occasionally I would buy her a tiara. Once when Jay came home crying she offered to sell her things and to have us stop buying her things. She insisted that she didn't need everything she had so if she sold some of it they could live off that money and Jay wouldn't have to work. We, of course, didn't tell her the many flaws with her plan and told her that Daddy loved his job even if it was sometimes hard for him to do. She nodded and thanked me very much every other time that I bought her something new if it was not a holiday or her birthday. Jay also offered to get me a gun which I constantly refused to accept. I hated the idea of wielding a weapon. When Violet came into our life I finally accepted a gun and for a week Jay taught me how to use it. I shouldn't have enjoyed the week as much as I did but Jay's arms we're constantly wrapped around me and he didn't go into work the whole week which allowed us plenty of time as a family and also as a couple.  
I had only used the gun once. It was probably the worst day of life. The only day of my life so far where I had taken away someone else's. Someone had barged into the house while Jay was at work. Violet was taking a nap because she was 4 years old. I was just sitting on the couch eating a snack I had prepared for myself wondering what I was going to make the two of us for dinner. Jay said he wouldn't be back home that night, this wasn't uncommon so neither Violet or I questioned it. While I was lost in my thoughts I heard the door open. My first instinct was that Jay was home early but I knew that was unlikely. I grabbed the gun that Jay had gotten me about 4 years ago. When I opened the compartment I saw the ring box that Jay bought for Daisy, I wanted to shoot the box but at the same time I wanted to open it up and throw it to the bottom of a river, I had time for either of these things. I know how to use it, I told myself. Jay taught me everything I would need to know, besides it's probably nobody. When I walked towards the entrance of the house with my gun up I realized I had no clue who this person was.  
"Drop the gun!" he shouted.  
I refused but didn't say anything.  
"I warned you!" he yelled and pulled his concealed gun out. He barely missed me but because of Jay's training, I did not. He laid there definitely dead, I went upstairs to check on Violet who thankfully was still asleep after the two gunshots. I went back down and looked at the puddle of blood and the dead body that laid there. I started crying because I didn't know what else to do. Jay never really told me what to do if I killed someone and I never asked because I always figured he would be here. Now he wasn't coming home until over 24 hours from now and I had until Violet woke up to clean the floor and get rid of the body. I looked at the bullet hole in the wall reminding myself that killing him was the only choice, that he wouldn't have missed the second time. I did the first thing that came to my mind I dug a deep hole and through the dead man's body into the hole. I completely covered the whole back-up with dirt and went back inside. Violet was thankfully still asleep so I scrubbed the floor as hard as I could to try and get the floor not red. Eventually, I claimed it to be good enough and before going to my bed I looked back at the ring box that Jay got Daisy all those years ago. I opened the box and saw the ring. It was huge, it looked like it could've cost over tens of thousands of dollars. I set my gun back into the drawer and cried and I just kept crying. I went to Jay and my bedroom and I collapsed on the bed. I cried for a while wishing that Jay would walk through the door, hold me in his arms, and tell me everything would be okay like I had done for him many nights. Instead, it was Violet who eventually knocked on the open door and asked what was wrong.  
"I just miss your daddy, " I said rubbing my eyes.  
"It's okay dad, " she assured me, "he will be back soon, he always comes home."  
"Yes, I suppose you're right. He'll come back."  
I wondered if Jay was going to be mad that I killed a man. Would he not love me because I had killed? Sure I accepted him but that didn't mean he had to be okay that I had now killed.  
A few hours later Violet complained about being hungry. I was not prepared to cook anything so we went into Denver and to a restaurant where she could order what she wanted. I bought her dessert in exchange that she would not complain if we went shopping for food afterward. She agreed and upheld her promise as she was silent the majority of the time I was staring at the shelves thinking about what food would be the best to beg for his forgiveness.   
When Jay came home the next day I struggled not to cry immediately. I think Jay saw it in my face because when I pulled away from kissing him he cupped my cheek with his hand and promised to talk about it once Violet had gone to bed. Jay complimented the food I made but I think it only worried him more because he knew the divine food was only cooked on special occasions and while he had come home after a day this was nothing special anymore, he had been gone for much longer than only one day. Afterward, he ran around and played with Violet to quickly tire her out, not that he never played with her but never like he was now with so much effort and for around an hour without taking a break not even for water. Violet went to bed and Jay asked where I wanted to talk.  
"Bed, please," I said. Jay nodded and held my hand to the bedroom.   
"What's wrong?" Jay asked and I broke down. He brought me close to his chest and held me.  
"Talk when you're ready, " he said.  
"I...I...killed someone, " I said in between my tears and ragged breaths.  
"I'm sorry Nick, " Jay said, "I should've been here. Do you know what they were doing here? Did Violet see? I'm sorry, you're overwhelmed, I'll slow down."  
I cut Jay off, "no, you were working, it's fine. I don't know why he was here but Violet was napping so she didn't see."  
"What did you do afterward?" Jay asked a little scared for the response I'm sure.  
"I buried the body behind the house and I scrubbed the floor so it wasn't stained red. I didn't know what else to do, you never told me what to do and I never asked because I thought you would always be here, " I was trying to be quiet to not wake Violet but I was almost screaming and an endless amount of tears just kept coming.  
"Would you mind showing me where? I need to burn it."  
"Jay, are you going to leave me now that I have, " I gulped, "killed someone?"  
"Of course not Nick, especially when you have been here every night for me and I have killed more than you. Besides, it was self-defense if he was in the house trying to hurt you."  
"Jay, just hold me. I can talk more tomorrow, "   
"You can talk whenever you are ready. I'm not going to pressure you. I'll do whatever you want."  
I looked up at Jay who looked like he might cry just because I was crying. I couldn't blame him, there were nights I had cried with him.  
"I'm sorry, I got your shirt wet, " I apologized.  
"I can always buy a new one. I could buy five thousand new ones if I wanted to. Besides you are way more important than a shirt."  
"Shut up, " I said and I pressed a kiss against his lips. It was salty, I didn't know if it was his tears or mine. He pulled away and placed a kiss on my nose.  
"Just sleep, " he said, "I'm sure you're exhausted if not physically definitely emotionally."  
"Jay, I love you, " I said, cuddling back into his chest.  
"I love you too Nick."  
I slept in his arms and I knew he wouldn't leave me. It didn't matter what I did and maybe that made me too much like Daisy because of the devotion that Jay showed me, but maybe with us, it was okay because I would do it all for him too and Daisy never would.  
I showed Jay the body the next day and Jay asked if I wanted to watch it burn. I told him I couldn't bring myself to and he said that he understood and he could still recall the first time he had to burn a body. He told me to take Violet to town so she wouldn't see it either and I took her to town for two hours and watched her as she tried on an expansive array of dresses and skirts. I bought what she liked because focusing on her was easier than remembering what Jay was doing. What Jay was doing because of what I had done.  
I never used the gun after that and Jay seemed to be more cautious around me and he left less often than he used to and for shorter periods of time. I asked if it was because of the incident and he denied it but I knew that he was lying, spending so many years with Jay I knew he was lying. Jay had felt bad that he wasn't there that afternoon and that I had to do it all myself.   
I could no longer call Jay, Gatsby as I was Nick Gatsby, maybe not legally but in heart I was, so I could've been referring to him or myself but I often called him Gatsby as it was just a habit I struggled to break. If he would've told me to stop I would have tried harder but I knew part of him loved it because when I called him Gatsby aloud I always saw a glint of lust flash across his eyes like our last name was sexy. We lived happily though. Us three in our small house, away from the memories that haunted Jay and me. New memories were made here but none like the ones in New York even after killing someone it wasn't like New York, maybe because I had Jay by my side or maybe because I didn't have constant reminders every day but I loved Denver and our small town. Jay called us the great Gatsby's, the three of us and at the end of the day, I always believed him because I loved him and we were happy. So we were great, we were the Great Gatsby's.


	8. Jay Gatsby’s Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for suicide and major character deathS.

Jay Gatsby's POV   
If you thought Nick and I lived happily after that stop reading here. You can think the only trouble we ever had was when he had shot a man and you would be completely wrong but if it makes you happy just stop. We lived for 5 years incredibly happy, the 3 of us, then came the stock crash of '29. We weren't badly affected, we had all the money I earned but I was needed more. I didn't like leaving Nick every day like I started having to. I was afraid someone was going to come after him to hurt me but when I was at business I tried to keep to myself and not talk about my life. I took my wedding ring off every day so very few people knew I was married but I also lied to those people and told them I was married to a fine woman who couldn't have children. They asked why I didn't find another woman and all I could ever say was that I loved her enough not to hurt her. Every day when I came home though Nick was always there waiting for me and so was Violet. Violet was 9 when the stock market crashed but she hardly knew its effects or that it had happened. Every day I greeted Nick with a kiss and told him I loved him and then I would pick Violet up, spin her around, kiss her forehead and tell her I loved her as well. Nick would usually be cooking dinner when I came home or if I was a little later dinner would already be set out but they would wait for me unless I had told them not to because I knew I would arrive late. I enjoyed my days off because we go on day trips to cities that used to be more beautiful before the crash. Despite knowing the cities very well and knowing their full potential I enjoyed watching Nick and Violet experience it all. One day when I was off it was late and I was with Nick on the couch. We were in each other's arms just enjoying the presence of each other. Violet was already asleep and we were enjoying the silence of not having a young girl awake. We loved her but she was very talkative but we wouldn't trade her for anything or anyone else. I heard someone enter our house and I climbed out of Nick's arms and told him wordlessly to follow me. He did and I led him to our guns. I don't think Nick knew what was happening but he picked up his gun that he hadn't touched since that fateful day all those years ago. This time I was here for him and nothing was going to happen to him. I didn't think he was going to have to use his gun but I knew it was better for him to have it because I assumed this man had to be after me.   
"You're going to be fine," I whispered to Nick when I saw the blood leave his face when he touched the gun.   
"Who cares about me? What about you?"  
To be honest, I didn't know, I was going to do whatever I had to, to protect Nick, "I'll be fine. As long as you are alive at the end of this I will be fine. I love you."  
"Don't say it like this is goodbye. I love you too though."  
I wish I would have known what was about to happen because everything after this conversation happened so fast that I didn't know how it had.   
I went out first and I peeked around the corner. I saw a masked man looking for something or someone. I took a shot but missed and the man did the same.  
"Come out and this will be over in a minute," the man whose voice I didn't recognize said.  
I came out from behind the corner not realizing that Nick came out with me, both of our guns pointed at him.  
"How cute!" he exclaimed, "Jay Gatsby is a homosexual and his little plaything is trying to protect him."   
This is when I made my big mistake because I turned my head to look at Nick. The attacker wasn't dumb, he took this chance and shot at me again, he wouldn't have missed if Nick wouldn't have stepped in front of me and took the bullet for me. My first instinct was to help Nick but I couldn't so I shot the attacker and he dropped dead instantly. I went to my knees and tried to stop the bleeding on Nick but I was useless. I thought about trying to phone a hospital but he had no pulse and was not breathing. I knew there was no hope because my Nick Carraway Gatsby was dead. I knew how Nick had felt that day I was shot in my pool but he saved me and this time I couldn't save him. It was my fault he was dead. It was also the second time he had saved my life. I punched a wall and watched as the blood fell dripped down my hand from my knuckles. I looked at the body that was still dead on the floor, the body of the man that should've shot me. I took it outside and burned his body like I was taught to do. I didn't know how to tell Violet that her dad was dead because I could still barely fathom the fact still myself. I couldn't raise Violet on my own, I was hardly home and I couldn't cook. I thought about the day last year where even though I cooked him breakfast for the past 6 years I still couldn't cook a meal without burning it once. I couldn't do it. I needed Nick back but I would never be able to get him back and I knew a man like Nick would never stumble into my life again and be able to love me despite all my flaws like he did. I went to the third room in our house, the room nobody had ever used and looked around. It was so evident Nick had been in here because papers were scattered everywhere. He had used the third room for his writing and I saw some of Violet's dolls in the room so I assumed he must have let Violet come in when she wanted to be around her dad. I laid on the bed and it smelled like Nick. I wondered if he slept here when I was away for business. I held a pillow and cried myself to sleep. I woke up early and started sorting through some of the papers. I had read his book 'The Great Gatsby' which I always thought was horribly mistitled but he insisted it was the appropriate title for the book. I stumbled across a document and it was titled 'The Great Gatsby's' I didn't know what it was about, Nick had never shown me it or discussed it. I realized as I skimmed through the content that it was our true story. I didn't die like at the end of 'The Great Gatsby' but it told of our life in Denver. It ended after the incident many many years ago with the gun. I wondered why he hadn't tried to publish it, or why he hadn't told me about it.   
Violet then peeped her head in the door, "Daddy, do you know where dad is? I'm hungry."  
I didn't know how to respond, "I'll make you breakfast, honey."  
I went to the kitchen and tried my hardest not to burn anything and mildly succeeded. I ate the stuff that was mostly burnt and gave the better-looking pieces to Violet.  
"Thanks, daddy," she said, "but where is dad? No offense but he makes better breakfast than you."  
I exhaled, I didn't know how to explain this to her, she had already lost her birth family and didn't deserve this, "you know how your birth family is in heaven?" I asked.  
"Yes, you told me they were all sick so God took them to heaven so they could be healthy. Is dad sick?"  
"No sweetie, but he died last night so he is in heaven with your birth family."  
She started to cry, "so dads gone? I'm never going to see him again?" she asked, her voice cracking.  
"Yes Violet, I'm afraid we are never going to see your dad again," I was crying now and Violet was in my arms as she was wishing for her dad back.  
"It's not fair!" she screamed, "I wish I could see him one last time and tell how much I loved him."  
"I promise he knows how much you loved him."  
"I know, but I wish I could tell him."  
I stayed silent and just hugged her and tried to comfort her. I knew Nick would be better at this because of how much he had always comforted me but he wasn't here. He wasn't here to tell me what to do or tell me that everything was going to be okay. I told Violet we were going on a walk through town and I decided to look around for someone who might be willing to watch Violet during the day. Nobody lived like Nick and I did though, and everyone else had their own children and their own problems with the depression hitting. I decided to drive us into Denver to see if there were any ads of those who were looking for some pay. I couldn't find anyone and I walked into the bookshop where Nick first got his book published.  
"Hello Jay, it's been a while since I saw you last. Where is Nick?" she asked.  
I told Violet to go look around the store and see if she wanted anything. She nodded and ran off.  
"He died last night," I told her.  
"Oh, I'm quite sorry for your loss. Does Violet know?"  
"Yes, she does. I've been looking for someone who can watch her during the day now that he has died while I'm at work."  
"You could bring her here every day before work," she suggested, "it would give her pieces of one of her fathers and I would enjoy the company."  
"Oh, I couldn't do that. That would be unfair to you."  
"Nonsense Jay! The child would be an absolute blessing to have around."  
"Are you struggling at all during this hard time?" I asked.  
"It's nothing I can't handle. I ration my money well."  
"Not to offend you but how old are you?"  
"Just shy of 30," she replied, "you're not thinking of pursuing me are you, Jay Gatsby? Your husband just died."  
"No, no, it's not that. I'm just quite old myself and I'm just thinking of what I would do with Violet if she died. Nick and I have no relatives."  
"You would want me to take care of the girl?"  
"She is very fond of you and you remind her of Nick. Nick and I have plenty of money so you would never even need to work a day in your life."  
"I wouldn't be planning your death right now, I think you still have lots of life left in you. Have you been through some of Nick's things? I found it odd he never brought another book by, maybe he was working on one?"  
"Yes, I found it this morning. It needs a few finishing pieces and it will be done and I could bring it by."  
"Yes, I think Nick would love to see one more of his books on the shelves."  
Violet came back with two books in hand. One was a fantasy book about a princess which is why she wanted it. Nick raised her to believe she was a princess; she just had to wait for another princess or prince to whisk her away. The second book was Nick's book, the one he had published.  
"Take them both, on the house," she insisted.  
I shook my head and placed a large amount of money on the counter.  
On the way back to our house I asked Violet if she would like a mom.  
"I don't want to replace dad," she said.  
"You wouldn't be replacing dad but when I have to go to work I was thinking you could be at the bookstore and help her."  
"Really? I love it there! She could teach me how to read more and I could read Dad's book."  
"Yes, you could do whatever she allows you, and I'm sure she would love to teach you to read better."  
After failing to make lunch that day and spending the afternoon trying to tire out Violet she finally went to take a nap before dinner.  
I went back to Nick's workroom and looked at the book. It seemed finished. The conclusion was beautiful and I cried reading what he and I went through together. I wrote this chapter that you are reading now. I also took a blank piece of paper that was lying on the ground, I didn't draw often but I was decent enough. I closed my eyes and I saw his face. It could never be erased from my memory. I drew him facing the left and I drew myself facing him. I thought Nick would have loved it but now I would never know. I went through the room one more time to see if there were any other writings. There was one called 'The Violet Princess' I had no doubt that it was for Violet and as I flipped through it I realized Violet had tried to illustrate the book with some of her crayons. I called the lady from the bookstore and asked if I could drop Violet off for dinner. She asked why and I told her I couldn't stand to burn any more food. She told me that I could eat at her place as well but I insisted that I didn't want to. I drove Violet over and I had packed all her stuff in a few suitcases. Violet asked why we needed them and I told her I was going away for a long time. When we arrived at the woman's house I told her I wasn't going to be alive for much longer. I gave her a ring box and the book continuation. I told her to read the whole continuation to learn everything but to read the last page then eventually tell Violet the truth. The last page said exactly what happened to me. I drove home and took my gun out of the drawer. I went to where I had buried Nick's body. I couldn't bare to burn his body like I was always taught I had kept his watch that I had given him on, I kept the wedding band I had given him, and I kept my crest on his finger and I hoped someone would do the same for me as I looked at the two rings Nick had given me. I don't think Nick knew that day that I had heard him mumble that he would take 2 bullets for me, not just 1. He was wrong though, he said he couldn't lie to me and he did. He took the first bullet for me but I was going to take the second bullet.  
"I love you Nick, and I'm coming to see you," were my last words before I shot myself and joined Nick in the afterlife.   
Before I had died I had pondered why Geroge Wilson had killed himself after he tried to kill me. I didn't know if it was to join Myrtle or if he was so insane that he had truly lost his mind? It didn't matter though, all the mattered was that I was selfish. I left my daughter with a woman I hardly knew with all my money in one of Violet's bags, and I killed myself so I could be Nick. As he said all those years ago he was going to lie when he said he would never take a bullet for me. He did and now I took a bullet for myself, only for myself, so I could be with Nick. The only way I ever felt alive was when I was with Nick, with my Nick Gatsby.


	9. What Was Never Published

3rd person POV note  
While they never asked the bookkeeper's name was Christine. Christine raised Violet like her own daughter with the help of the millions of dollars that Jay left her. She published the book that Nick had written and Jay had finished. She published it with the author as Nick and Jay Gatsby which she knew Jay would hate but Nick would love. She smiled every time she looked at the cover thinking about the two interesting dynamics. When she read it, it all made sense why they had all the money that they did. She looked often at the ring Jay had given her shortly before he had killed himself. She decided to keep the ring until Violet got a partner in life. Violet lived happily with Christine and when Jay didn't return during the week that followed she began to ask Christine more and more frequently where her daddy went. Eventually, Christine had to tell Violet that her daddy had joined her dad in heaven. She cried for weeks because this was the second family she had lost completely. She grew very close to Christine who never got married. Violet learned to read fluently in two years. Violet had little to devote her time to so she enjoyed reading more than many things in her life. When she finally learned the complete and final truth about her dads she cried even more. She hated that her daddy was selfish enough to kill himself to join Nick but leave her alone without a family. Sure, Violet began to call Christine her mom but it was never the same relationship she had with Jay and Nick. She had thought about killing herself to join her fathers but couldn't do that to Christine who had only had her in her life. She wasn't going to follow in her daddy's footsteps like that. She did follow in Jay's footsteps by joining the same gang that Jay had been in. They respected her last name and despite being a woman she was fierce. She came to gain respect as she showed her strength and power. She eventually started to date another man who was in the gang when she turned 22. They were both scared of each other because they both knew if they messed up they would blow each other up but they both loved each other so it was worth the risk. Violet took him home one night and while Christine didn't love him she knew that Violet was happy. When he asked for her hand in marriage almost a year later Christine gave him the ring Jay had given to her all the years ago. He asked where it was from and she said he needed to read 'The Great Gatsby' and 'The Great Gatsby's' which would explain what she has been through. She suggested he do this before he proposed because he needed to be able to handle everything she could feel. When he proposed she cried because she immediately recognized the ring. While she had actually never seen the ring her daddy gave to Christine she had an idea of what it looked like by the way Nick had described it when he first saw it. Christine eventually published a book titled 'Violet Gatsby' that shared what happened in their lives together but it never got many sales so many were left wondering what happened to Violet if they had ever seen 'The Great Gatsby's' which wasn't as popular as the original untrue story.


End file.
